Day #1

Today my son took his first dose of Accutane. His prescribed dose is one 40mg pill a day.

My son is 13 year old and started getting acne when he turned 12. Over this past year my son has seen several dermatologist and has used many different products and antibiotics to try to halt the progression of his acne. After exhausting all other avenues I was told Accutane was my next step. I was given the iPledge brochure and was told to not let the material scare me.

When I returned home and began reading the iPledge information I was scared speechless. To ignore such warnings went against everything I stood for as a mother. I went through the next several days with a mix of emotions from anger to sadness. I talked to everyone that I knew to get different perspectives. Most of the reactions I received were, what I call, safe responses. I had several say the side effects aren't worth the risk, and several who just agreed that I had a hard decision to make. My husband without reading the material said we just had to do this for our son. After reading the material he quickly said he would support any decision I made. I think this is a typical response from most fathers. I think there is an unspoken rule about the role mothers play when it comes to important medical decisions that concern their children. Mothers seem to know best. Really? Why? Because we were pregnant for nine months and we were primary care givers for the first several years? I think a mother's intuition is very powerful, but foreseeing what a chemical will do to their baby's body?...just not possible.

I had week to make up my mind and by the fifth day I had decided it was a no. After all kids tend to blame their parents for all kinds of things that happen to them in life. Right? I just couldn't stand the thought that he would grow up resenting my decision. my decision....

Day six I decided that my son was old enough and mature enough to be let in on my concerns about taking Accutane. I gave him a general idea about the side effects. I let him know that I was struggling with a verdict and that my first thought was to say no. I asked him how people treated him at school. He told me there were a few kids that make comments, but also added that these same people pick on others too. "It doesn't bother me mom"... that is what he told me as he slowly hung his head. He lied and I knew it. At that moment I realized I had no other option. I knew my son was miserable outside the comforts of home. Just last week I watched him in front of the mirror lightly applying medication to his face, he was crying, for even his light touch hurt. I realized too that he had stopped going to the grocery store with me and always opted to stay home when he had the choice. What I wanted so desperately to blame as normal teenage behavior was not, at least not completely. I thought back to the past few months and really started analyzing our past conversations. I realized his acne was consuming him. Not just his precious face, but his character, self worth and esteem.

I asked my son what he would say if I told him I had changed my mind. He said he trusted my decision. He also added that he would probably be just fine. I smiled and gave him a hug. He is a great kid!

So our decision was made. He would start his five month regimen. I did make some rules before solidifying our decision however, rules my son had to agree to before allowing treatment. 1. we were going to start a low sugar and carbohydrate diet 2. there would be no more "shoot-em-up" games, movies or T.V. shows 3. write a health log every week which explained how he was feeling and his eating habits

He didn't exactly like the idea of not being able to play his games, but he agreed that five months out of his life is not going to kill him.

I am obviously not a doctor, but there are immediate health concerns about my son...
1. he has mild asthma
2. he has had pneumonia twice
3. family members have/had diabetes, high cholesterol, stomach issues, depression etc.
4. his kidneys don't process sodium properly
5. he is an extremely skinny kid (66in/97lbs)
6. when he gets nervous he usually gets stomach or head aches
Knowing all this and Accutane's side effects you can see why its even more nerve racking. How am I going to know, for instance, his stomach ache is nerves rather than a side effect? I don't know...one day at a time.....

My goal is to write here every week and post pictures of my son's progress. I hope every week I have something positive to report....